The power of fantasy

Marital sex can become routine and boring.  One tool you can use to combat this is fantasy.

I once read a book that advised women to have a “mental library” of fantasies on hand when they need a little boost in the arousal department. By fantasy, I am referring to mental images or stories about situations or locations that arouse you.  I don’t recommend that these fantasies include people outside of the marriage, because that just feeds discontent.  Instead, try picturing you and your partner making love outdoors, or in some exotic locale that is infeasible in real life.  For example, behind a waterfall in the tropics, on a beach, or on the Jumbotron in Times Square.

Think about what you do when you are lucky enough to get a vacation away from the kids.  As a friend of mine says, “I am going to  have dirty, hotel sex.” Not sex in a dirty hotel: I’m talking about sex that is above and beyond the norm.  The kind you are too tired to attempt on a normal Tuesday night.  Some creative positions, maybe.  More enthusiasm, since you’re well rested on your vacation.  And, of course, lots of noise, because you don’t have to worry about the kids hearing.

Naturally, this kind of activity isn’t always possible.  You can’t always be on vacation.  But, you can always take a vacation in your mind.  Even on a Tuesday.

If you feel comfortable, try sharing your fantasy aloud with your partner.  My husband will sometimes say, “where should we be tonight?” Discussing sexual possibilities in some exotic, daring location can get both of you revved up.

So, start working on your mental fantasy library.  Think about it ahead of time; maybe in the shower.  That way, you can check out a steamy story whenever you need a little boost.